Intimacy from the Inside Out: Courage and Compassion in Couple Therapy, by Toni Herbine-Blank, Donna M. Kerpelman, Martha Sweezy
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Intimacy from the Inside Out: Courage and Compassion in Couple Therapy, by Toni Herbine-Blank, Donna M. Kerpelman, Martha Sweezy
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Couples in distress enter therapy holding two goals that they now experience as mutually exclusive: to feel loved and to feel understood. Toni Herbine-Blank’s powerful new brand of couple therapy, Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO), offers a comprehensive conceptual map for achieving both goals. In a tour de force of elegant case illustrations wrapped around clear instruction, this book shows the IFIO therapist working with the natural subdivisions – or parts – of the human mind in a dyad, guiding and supporting couples to understand how they project childhood injury into current relationships and then, feeling threatened, frustrated and angry, lose track of their underlying needs to feel safe, connected and loved. With a focus on generating internal attachment stability to sustain each partner through the moments when the other is unavailable, couples in IFIO therapy reconnect with their essential needs, change their conversations and learn to make requests that invite rather than threaten in order to get those needs met.
Intimacy from the Inside Out: Courage and Compassion in Couple Therapy, by Toni Herbine-Blank, Donna M. Kerpelman, Martha Sweezy- Published on: 2015-09-10
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x 6.00" w x .75" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 206 pages
Review
"Take a journey with Toni Herbine-Blank and her co-authors into couple therapy from the perspective of Internal Family Systems therapy. Follow the detailed illustrations of a master IFS clinician as she helps couples move from content to process and discover new ways to be incisive and positive in your response to interlocking defenses. Make your therapy more revealing, compassionate and collaborative with her way of doing intrapsychic work in the presence of the partner. And, especially important, learn to accept the inevitable countertransference challenges that arise when you work with your toughest couples." Ellyn Bader, PhD, founder/director of The Couples Institute.
"Toni Herbine-Blank brilliantly expands the IFS model by adapting it to couples therapy. With detailed, moving case illustrations she and her co-authors lead the reader step by step through the actual process of parts work done inside a relationship. Protectors relax, exiles unburden. The relationship itself unburdens. Both a practical guide and a comprehensive conceptual map, readable, clear, and compelling, Intimacy From The Inside Out will be a classic." Terrence Real, bestselling author of The New Rules of Marriage
From the foreword:
"This book takes a topic of immense complexity―how the two internal systems of a couple collide with each other to produce the rigid patterns that drive them toward dissolution―and in simple, clear language makes it understandable. Along the way, it offers time-tested techniques for helping each partner drop their weapons, focus inside and speak to each other from a different place―the Self. When couples are able to do this, each partner invariably develops new insight and also discovers that speaking from the Self on behalf of (rather than from) both protective and vulnerable parts produces an entirely different response from the partner." Richard C. Schwartz, PhD, LMFT, is a lecturer on psychology at Harvard Medical School, a licensed marriage and family therapist, fellow of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, and creator of the Internal Family Systems model.
About the Author
Toni Herbine-Blank, MS, RN, Cs-P, is a senior trainer for the Center for Self-Leadership and the sole developer of Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO). She runs trainings, retreats and workshops on both methods nationally and internationally and has a private psychotherapy practice in Durango, Colorado. For more information: toniherbineblank.com.
Donna M. Kerpelman, JD, MS, has been immersed in IFS for more than ten years as a student, teacher and therapist. She has organized and facilitated several IFIO retreats for couples in addition to assisting in IFIO trainings for couple therapists. She also brings her knowledge of IFS and relationships to the legal world where she represents children with lead poisoning.
Martha Sweezy, PhD, has a therapy and consultation practice in Northampton, Massachusetts. She is a clinical supervisor at Cambridge Health Alliance, a Lecturer in Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, an occasional helper at IFS trainings, and co-leads workshops on the topic of shame. She is author of several articles on IFS and co-editor, with Ellen Ziskind, of two volumes on IFS: Innovations and Elaborations on Internal Family Systems Therapy and Internal Family Systems Therapy: New Dimensions. For more information: http://marthasweezy.com
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Most helpful customer reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful. A must read for all couple therapists By Cathy Curtis This is a powerful and profound book. It is a guide into the world of couple work that is simple, clear, easy to read, and compelling.Toni and her co-authors present the reader with a therapy concept and then show how to use it through written dialog from actual sessions. These sessions show Toni to be a compassionate, direct clinician who skillfully helps her clients into difficult or often hidden terrain. The book shows how this work leads to healing in each individual and in the couple and it clearly lays out the steps of how to achieve this. Reading this book has already benefited my work with couples. I highly recommend it.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful. cogently and with great insight into the complexity of working with couples By BB Loving this book! Toni and her co-authors present the material clearly, cogently and with great insight into the complexity of working with couples. The book is extremely well written making it easy to connect theory with practice and many helpful, practical tips. A great guide for therapists working with couples or individuals working with relationship issues.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful. Highly Recommended and Easy to Follow Read on Working with Couples By John Palmer Well written and easy to follow manual on applying Internal Family Systems Therapy to working with couples. One of the things I liked best is that Toni, et. al. operationalize the steps in working with couples in an easy to follow manner. They guide you through the processes of joining with the couple, tracking the couple dance,and helping the couple get underneath their protective covers and connect with their needs and vulnerabilities which allows for improved communication and relational healing. I was very impressed with the authors' perspective on shame and how to understand its affects on the couple's relationship. They describe shame as a two part process with both a shamer and the shamed--but not just between partners but also happening within each partner! I've been working with couples for 20+ years and this book is one of the best I've read. Even if you are unfamiliar with the Internal Family Systems model of therapy, I suspect this book will still deepen your understanding on working with couples and it will provide you with the tools needed to guide you through the treatment process.
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